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What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the conscious, deliberate decision to let go of resentment, anger, and the desire for revenge or retribution, even if the hurt or offense remains.
It is a choice to extend mercy and love to the offender.
In our Catholic faith, the forgiveness we extend to those who have hurt us is linked to God’s forgiveness toward us, as well as the need for reconciliation with both God and others.
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Matthew 6:14
The first time I received the grace to listen and finally understand those words, I was stunned. I realized that by refusing to forgive others, I was prolonging the forgiveness of my sins.
“For the measure you give will be the measure you get back.”
Luke 6:38
In the way we forgive others, we are showing God what’s in our hearts, and He will proceed accordingly.
Do we need more time to prune and purge from our pride? Or do we have humble hearts willing to offer mercy and leave the passing of judgment up to God?
“The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy.”
Psalm 103:8
Forgive and Forget
In holding grudges, brooding over old offenses, and harboring negative feelings about others, we put our hearts and souls in misery. We stretch and swell up our suffering unnecessarily.
“He who forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter alienates a friend.”
Proverbs 17:9
We end up hurting ourselves more than the original offense ever would, because we are hurting our souls.
“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.”
Proverbs 10:12
Then, what are we to do with the offense, and the hurt, and the suffering? Are we to pretend nothing happened, or everything is back to normal, and let bygones be bygones? Is it that simple?
Yes! And once again, like with extraordinary love, it may be simple, but it’s not easy. It’s a choice. It’s our choice.
When God asks us to forgive, He understands how hard it is for us to do. He knows our hearts and all our human weaknesses.
Forgetting is not something that happens by the snap of a finger. And getting frustrated with ourselves because of our inability to forget is no help. The longer we focus on letting the memory go, the more our minds will bring it up in vivid colors.
The hurt, the offense, becomes a threat, and as such, our bodies and brains don’t want us to forget; that way, we’ll be prepared to recognize and face similar situations and relationships.
As long as we are blessed to have our memories, we’ll remember the good and the bad. That’s how we learn. We must keep the knowledge, the newfound wisdom, and let go of the rest.
Once we commit ourselves to forgiving, we strip away the negative feelings that weigh down our hearts and poison our minds.
When we remember a hurt or offense, we ask God to renew in us the grace to accept. We pray for the one who hurt us, and we give thanks for the opportunity to offer mercy to another soul.
Getting stuck in the memory and tangled in the negative feelings is what prolongs our suffering, keeps us away from seeking help and healing, and harms our relationship with God.
He wants to take our suffering from us. He came to do just that. Let Him be the one to take on the hurt.
Forgive Seventy times Seven
“Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often should my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”
Matthew 18:21-22
Jesus’s word to Peter is good news, for it means that God will forgive us, again and again, and again. And therefore, we must follow His perfect example.
We must ask for and exercise the virtue of mercy, show kindness and compassion, see the other as a mirror of our human capacity to offend, hurt, and fall, again and again.
Every offense, big or small, is an opportunity for us to practice forgiving and letting go. It’s our training. It’s essential to accept that forgiveness, like love, is limitless, and that’s a good thing.
Forgive First
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 6:32
When someone offends us or hurts us, we expect, even demand, an apology, an act of contrition, retribution, or, at the very least, an explanation. But sometimes, people fail to even do that.
The longer we wait, the more we suffer. We must look to Jesus on the Cross, and learn to forgive first and forgive quickly. In time, we want to be able to forgive immediately.
“Father, forgive them; for they don’t know what they do.”
Luke 23:24
By forgiving first, we release the hold of that offense or hurt on our heart and soul. It’s not on us, as is not on us to pass judgment or ask for retribution.
By putting the hurt in God’s hands, now we can focus on healing.
A heart kindled with mercy will ask for the graces to grow from the experience in faith, hope, and love. A forgiving heart trusts God will use the hurt for our good, and the good of all souls.
Forgive Yourself
It’s hard and painful to let go of the hurts we’ve caused, the offenses we’ve committed against other people, and God.
But if God is so willing to forgive us, why should we place ourselves above His wisdom and His mercy?
Once again, it’s not about forgetting what we did or did not do, said, or did not say. Someday, the memory might lessen, maybe even go away. It’s about choosing to do things differently.
It’s futile to remain stuck in the guilt and the shame. Once we’ve asked for forgiveness from God and the one we hurt, we have to show contrition, accept the forgiveness, and do better.
“The LORD is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts.”
Psalm 28:7
Forgiveness is an act of mercy, and in our brokenness, we are all in need of mercy from God. Since the very fall of humanity, God has been on a merciful quest for the redemption of our souls.
If we are going to remember something, let’s always remember this: what we choose to give, willingly, freely, with mercy and love, we will receive abundantly in return.
If you like to ponder these subjects, join us as we tend and grow these humble mustard seeds. We hope you’ll be inspired to sow your own. Come back weekly, and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and X.
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